dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
