I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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