Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
