I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
