I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
