She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
