If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
