I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
