fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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