Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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