My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
