So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
