The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
