I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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