dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I lost the right to judge tonight
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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