Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
