Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
