She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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