I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
