Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
