She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
