I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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