Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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