Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
