Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
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My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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