Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
how drunk are you?
Several
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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