Your mouth is God's brothel.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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