You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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