Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So many bounce houses so little time
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
