So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm bleeding and have questions
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
