All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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