i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize