Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
