I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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