she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
