I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
