I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
