I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
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