Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
