Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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