bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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