i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
