I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
