So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
