you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
