That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
