I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
