it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
