my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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