: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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