I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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