Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Sober January is a disaster.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
