Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
