I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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