well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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