brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
