i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
