she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
