I don't remember. Are we still dating?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
