I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
