Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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