So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
