They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
