I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
