so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize