And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
