Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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