Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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