I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You need Xanax blowdarts
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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