your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
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She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
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It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I need to calm my uterus...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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