Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.