Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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