Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I die, sorry about rent.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
