I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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