if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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