you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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