I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
