Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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