Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
