Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
