Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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