Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
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I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
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I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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