mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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