she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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