I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
