So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
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The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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