i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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