Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
