I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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